plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
