i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
