1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
