She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
