he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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