he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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