He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
