Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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