Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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