Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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