Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Text me some of your sweat
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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