can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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