The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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