I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
