how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
