May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
