just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
