he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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