you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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