There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
