It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
