never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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