She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
