He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
