I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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