Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
