We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
