meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
