Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
