I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
