The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Quick, to the slutcave!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
