I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
