the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
