Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
