So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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