I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
