oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
