I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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