I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
