whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
