the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
