I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
