also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
