Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My life is pants optional.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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