Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUCK WHALES
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
