His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
