Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
