We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
