Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's always time for handjobs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
