i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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